One girl and one boy is just not enough.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize
