He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
