Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
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