he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm sobbing to NWA
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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