im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
