She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
