i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
