member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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