It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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