he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
