All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
So squirting runs in the family.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
