would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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