i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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