my mouth tastes like poor choices
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
