Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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