Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
