Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
