Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
