She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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