the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
