I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
