using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize