she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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