I think scott just propositioned me for sex
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
