You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
