What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize