You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
