I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Randomize
