just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
