So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
