$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
