Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
