I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize