She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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