also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
