woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
