Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
