I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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