sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
