Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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