I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
