So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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