May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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