dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
