Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
