I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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