This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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