sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
