I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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