At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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