He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
