I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
