Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
