How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
