Will you blow on my dice?
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize