i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize