Don't you send me to vm
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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