i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
