Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Randomize
