i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
