If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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