I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Randomize
