dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Randomize
